Many people know all too well the pain of being betrayed by a person who they believed they could trust. Though there are many ways in which such a betrayal might be accomplished in life, one of the most painful ways to carry such an action out is to commit this offense against a lover and trusted friend.
Whether or not a person is prepared to commit their physical being into a relationship it is important to understand that the actions which define this betrayal can vary from couple to couple. Problems such as an overabundance of jealousy or unreasonable expectations may play a huge part when a person feels that they have been betrayed, even while the other person in the relationship had no idea that such feelings existed.
With so many differences of opinion about what defines cheating it can be difficult to understand one's own feelings on the subject. Often a good rule to follow is that if one believes their feelings are reasonable and an action makes them feel uncomfortable this is where the line needs to be drawn. Ideally there would be a standard set of boundaries in place that every person may follow as to not commit such an act of betrayal, unfortunately there can only be some vague references to these kinds of parameters.
After defining where your own boundaries lie and discussing these with your partner, along with their own you may have a better idea of what to expect, though that odd little jealousy bug may still creep up on you now and again.
Naturally, most people wish to avoid being put in a position where they would have to recover from being betrayed in a relationship; to ensure this kind of protection is almost certainly impossible, however there are certain signs and behavioral types that may be more prone to infidelity.
It is important to keep in mind that while one is looking for the characteristics of a cheater in their future partners that assumption is often the gateway to disaster. In many cases, looking for such traits may prove useful to note, but not necessarily to define the person as a whole. Perhaps the best way to proceed, if such characteristics should be found in a person who you find interesting, would be to speak with them about the incident which caused you to feel this way. Misunderstandings and poor interpretations of the situation are often culprits behind such feelings.
Many romantics believe that when they enter into a relationship with their soulmate such problems as infidelity will vanish overnight. While this is a glorious notion, that once together attraction for all others will dissipate, without proper communication certain boundaries may not become clear until they have been crossed.
Discussing your feelings about what defines cheating with your partner, or future partner may be the most important step toward preventing any unpleasant incidents of the kind. Knowing the difference between a reasonable and unreasonable feeling on the subject of infidelity is also extremely important.
Hopefully by now you understand where your own feelings lie and have a good idea of what actions you believe can be counted as infidelity in your relationships. With that in mind, some of the traits to look for in a cheater may not apply to you as your boundaries may be set far and wide.
An excellent example of one of the most controversial boundaries might be the kiss; many believe that whether or not such an act counts as infidelity is defined by the nature of the kiss, while other believe that any kiss can be counted as cheating. Flirting with others is also a gray area when it comes to dating questions about cheating and must be defined by you and your partner.
Keeping all of these feelings and essential lines of communication in mind, it may be helpful to take note of some of the more common traits of those who are more likely to be unfaithful:
* Secretive Behavior: In the beginning of a relationship it is often natural for both people involved to keep certain aspects of their life private. While time passes, one hopes that trust is gained by both individuals and with that trust comes the revealing of more personal information. If after a reasonable amount of time you begin to feel as though your partner often keeps you in the dark about certain issues this may be because they have reason to believe you would be upset by the knowledge. * Dismissal of Feelings: As two people grow to care for each other, so too should their respect for one another's feelings, especially in regards to the relationship. If your partner often dismisses your feelings as unimportant while in your presence, it may be even easier for them to do so when out of it. If the boundaries of what constitutes cheating have been clearly defined in your relationship, but your partner has no respect for them because they view them as one of your unimportant feelings, this can mean that they are being broken.
* Overkill: Those who have experienced the pain of having an unfaithful partner will often admit that some signs of the action were present and that they chose to ignore them because they hoped that their suspicions were unfounded. Perhaps an even worse situation is when a person has no idea that the infidelity is taking place.
Some of the people who choose to cheat will often feel remorse once the act is over and will try to counteract their own guilt by expressing an abundance of affection for their partner. While the act of one partner feeling and expressing great affection for another is by no means a sure signal of infidelity if a feeling of it being out of place continues with each new act, it may mean that something is wrong.
Diagnosing this kind of act must be done very carefully as your partner may simply have a great desire to lavish you with affection and to make any assumptions as to the cause can be dangerous. If however certain other signals, coupled with these action, begin to add up it may be time to have a talk with your partner about where all of these feelings are coming from.
* Refusal to Discuss: While it is certainly no crime that even in the most committed relationships a person enjoys a certain amount of freedom, it is unreasonable to expect your partner not to be curious about your day and where you spent your time. Though a person should not have to interrogate every time they choose to go out with friends it is important to understand that your partner is simply curious about your life and that refusing to discuss this missing time with them will often create suspicion. When one completely refuses to divulge one's whereabouts to one's partner it often means that it will not be approved of. Though this is not always the case, keep in mind such actions as shopping for gifts, or keeping a secret for a third party, it is almost certainly cause for alarm if it continues to occur in a relationship.
While these signs may help a person who has already put some time and effort into their relationship many people still wish that they could spot a cheater before they have made an effort. Though these signals are often vague at best, they may prove to be useful when out on the singles scene:
* Scouting the Talent: Whether you're meeting a person for the first time, or have already been on several dates, taking note of their physical behavior is important. If a person is often looking around at other attractive people rather than making eye contact with you, this is often an excellent sign of disrespect and that perhaps they are thinking of making advances toward others in the room.
* Lack of Personal: Those who tend to skirt answering questions about their personal lives such as living conditions, daily habits and past history may be hiding something. If you get the feeling that your date is holding back information that should naturally be coming up the conversation it can be a sign not only that they are an unfaithful person, but in some cases, that you may be the target of their current, desired infidelity.
* Duplicates and Cliches: If during the course of your date you feel as though the only information you receive from your date is generic and impersonal this may mean that they are keeping you at a distance from certain aspects of their life they wish to remain secret. Perhaps an even more alarming sign of a cheater is a date that seems to be disinterested in the personal details of your life. A person who makes a habit of being unfaithful often keeps their lovers at an emotional distance so they are not forced to feel guilty about the betrayal. If you begin to feel as though your date is trying to keep the time you share as impersonal as possible, there may be an unpleasant reason for it.
However you choose to go about trying to protect yourself from the painful experience of being cheated on, keep in mind that when and if this occurs you should not spend the time trying to figure out where you went wrong. Those who commit such betrayals often do so because of problems that have little or nothing to do with their partners. Remember to keep the lines of communication open with your partner and that allowing them to understand, does not have to be an accusation.
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